I`m 25, a virgin and too scared to have SEX

Chello 07-13-2008

As Gail* walks up to the bar and orders a round of cocktails for her girlfriends, men glance appreciatively in her direction.

Her dark blonde hair, gorgeous figure and pretty face turn heads wherever she goes.

Yet if any admirer dared to approach her, Gail would turn on her heels and flee.

Sounds bizarre? Absolutely. But for the last five years, Gail has suffered from a phobia of sex so extreme, she can’t even bear to be chatted up by a man.

Gail’s affliction is known as ‘genophobia’ – an irrational, intense, persistent fear of sexual intercourse.

In some cases, genophobia is caused by a previous sexual trauma – although this is not true for all sufferers.

Gail’s phobia has cost her friendships and robbed her of her self-esteem.

Indeed, the fact that she is still a virgin fills the 25-year-old secretary with self-loathing.

“I feel like an outsider or a freak with a disfigurement,” she says.
“It’s also led me to lose a best friend. We shared a flat and, like me, she was a virgin at 21.
“Then she got into a relationship and I was cut up with jealousy.
“Wondering whether they were sleeping together kept me awake at night and I started listening outside her door.
“When she found out, she couldn’t forgive me.”
Gail believes the roots of her phobia lie in her strict, traditional upbringing.
“It was a taboo subject in my house,” she explains.
“Mum and Dad never spoke about the emotional or physical nature of sex.
“If a sex scene came on the television, everyone would cringe with embarrassment.”
To compound the situation, Gail’s first and only love affair ended badly.
“I was 18 when I first met Richard*, and I was ready to fall in love,” she says.
“We were both working as theatre ushers in Manchester, where I lived with my parents during university holidays.
“We flirted and I knew there was a spark between us.
“At the end of the evening, when he dropped me home, he stopped to kiss me.
“He left me tingling inside.
“I thought I’d met the man I’d lose my virginity to.”
But Richard was a devout Christian, and although the pair continued to visit each other at university every couple of weeks they slept in separate beds.
“I fully respected his views,” says Gail.
“Every Friday or Saturday night, we would have a kiss and a cuddle but without fail I was always relegated to the air bed.
“It felt really odd to suppress natural desire.”
Then in February 2001, after six months together, Richard suddenly called a heartbreaking end to the relationship.
“I was devastated,” Gail recalls.
“Just a week earlier, he’d told me he loved me for the first time.
“I felt so confused and the hardest thing was not being given a reason.
“He just suddenly disappeared from my life and I never spoke to him again.”
Gail plummeted into depression and was prescribed antidepressants by her GP.
“I kept wondering what I’d done wrong,” she says.
“I completely lost my confidence.
“If anyone tried to chat me up, I’d freeze.”
Before long, Gail started having panic attacks whenever a man approached her.
“I tried to date guys, but it always ended the same way – with me freaking out and running off.
“In January, when I moved to London, I went clubbing with my flatmate Steven*.
” We’d had a few drinks and we kissed.
“But the next day, when I realised he wanted more, I panicked.
“I locked myself in my room, sobbing uncontrollably.
“When he asked what was wrong, I didn’t go into details but told him I didn’t want a relationship.
“I knew he felt rejected, but I couldn’t tell him the truth.
“The worst thing is that I really liked him.”
Gail is now seeking treatment through hypnotherapy for her phobia.
“It’s not as if I don’t want to be sexually active or don’t feel sexual attraction,” she explains.
“I fancy men and I know what lust and desire feel like.
“I just can’t take that step into being sexually active.
“It terrifies me.”
Clinical hypnotherapist Monica Black, who is treating Gail, says: “Like other sufferers of genophobia, Gail has very low self-esteem.
“I started her treatment by helping her relax and trying to make her feel good about herself.
“Restoring her self-confidence is paramount.
“Once this is achieved, her phobia can be easily worked on.”
Gail hopes so.
After three sessions, she’s already feeling more confident.
“I feel like I haven’t made the transition to adulthood yet and become a real woman,” she says.
“But I’m starting to see that one day it will happen for me.”
Chellorose | Chello's Blog
I’m 25, a virgin and too scared to have SEX

Raven

It's a pretty rare thing these days that someone is scared of sex. Unless she was brainwash to be this way. Nice story.

Stephyi

Yeah she must of been brainwashed... I just don't understand why someone could be so frightened about sex.

hugo281

well like she said it could be the way she was raised, my ex was like this but not that extreme, but we broke up because she was also always starting so much drama that over time I just felt like it was time to let go.

Hsoolien

This is not as rare as you think, up till the point me and my ex first did it, and actually up till the second time we dated I was pretty afraid of sex, as I saw it as bing the unravelling of the friendship aspect of the relationship

hugo281

well I guess its just the way people are raised, like I said my ex was the same way, and probably still is who knows

Hsoolien

It can be many things, how they were raised, things that have happen to them, something not clicking right in their head, something said around them. People can be pretty complex internally at times.

hugo281

yeah that's true too, some people are not the same, and some are just plain crazy

Hsoolien

Not necessarily crazy, just different, though there are some crazies, but how do we know what a persons life was like

hugo281

well that's the thing we don't, just our experience in life can teach us what we do with ourselves and how we will be when raised in an certain environment with loving strict parents who raise you to be conservative, quite, and shy or cool fun loving parents that raise you to be yourself, have fun, be responsible and cool

Hsoolien

people are and always will be complex, and I think once people realize there is n one size fits all solution for what people do/want everyone might be a little happier

hugo281

yeah what ever makes people happy in the long run